Moonrise Kingdom

Justin: I liked this movie. Wes Anderson is such a master of color and visual tableaux. He has really mastered the art of storybook framing and visual story telling, using quick camera pans to frame up shots at 90 degree angles that strike me as very innovative. Moonrise Kingdom is a story about romance and adventure, full of flawed, likable characters and excitement. There are echos of some of his previous works here. The scouts, for instance, remind me of the jr. military feel that was exhibited by the students at Rushmore. Everyone has their own job, and it's fun to see the kids put on airs. The main arc of the story, a sort of star crossed lovers theme, is reminiscent of the hideout in the museum from Royal Tenenbaums. There are cartoonish elements that take me back to Fantastic Mr. Fox. Anyway, it's fun and I could see myself, as a teen, really feeling for these two runaway characters. Let's talk about casting. Anderson must have one incredible rolodex. Again he assembles a genius cast. Willis is perfect. Norton is also pretty great. Bill Murray: he's a damn genius as usual. Swinton is great too, if a little short on screen time. The two teenage leads are also charming and headed for great things. Tie it up with some great music and quirky, lovable characters, just the right amount of drama and comedy, put a bow on it and call it a classic. Now, is this to say it's Anderson's best film? Probably not, but it's a welcome addition to the collection.

Chels: Is it weird that I have an overwhelming desire to watch all Wes Anderson movies with my eyes closed and just listen to the soundtrack? Wes Anderson has an uncanny way of imbedding perfectly heartfelt and appropriate music into each of his movies, and I really appreciate that.  He really treats the music like an essential character, he knows that music can be more compelling than any performance by even the most talented of actors. I personally feel that recent Wes Anderson movies have been on a decline. This could mostly be to blame because of my skewed view in regards to Royal Tenenbaums and Life Aquatic, Royal Tenenbaums is without a doubt my favorite Wes Anderson movie. Even Life Aqautic barely comes close to eclipsing my love for Royal Tenenbaums. Since I'm not a huge Jason Schwartzman fan, his latest movies which feature him prominently usually don't register on my radar. Darjeeling Limited and The Fantastic Mr. Fox were not my favorites, although Fantastic Mr Fox's animation is superb. But the child/adolescent driven cast of Moonrise Kingdom did a great job of capturing, what I believe to be, the true Wes Anderson spirit. That spirit of rebelling, of setting out on your own and not sticking to the socially accepted norm, the spirit of free thinking, of being a true individual. Justin is spot on about the cinematography, Wes Anderson has it down to a science.  He knows what we want, and continuously delivers those quintessential 'Wes Anderson' pans and shots that make you leave the theater cursing him for making it all look so easy.   It is safe to say that Moonrise Kingdom will become a staple in the Wes Anderson canon.  But, I'm still longing for something that will make Royal Tenebaums look like childs play.

Prometheus

Chels: Justin and I had been looking forward to Prometheus for months now. Both of us being Ridley Scott fans, there was definitely some inflated expectations. I happen to be a HUGE fan of Scott's original Alien, with Aliens being it's more campy red headed stepchild. So, the news of a prequel to one of my favorite horror movies was expected to be one of the highlights of the summer movie season. Sadly, Prometheus failed to live up to what I wanted/needed it to be. It lacked the big-punch-jump-out-of-your-seat moments that make Alien so great. And the utter stupidity of some of the main characters is both infuriating and insulting (you're exploring a planet in deep space, KEEP YOUR HELMET ON YOU IDIOT). Space stupidity aside, I do think you should go see this movie.  But you have to know your Alien and Aliens respectively in order to fully appreciate it and grasp the movie's entire scope.  Side note: This movie keeps my horrible track record of instantly liking who ever will inevitably be horribly murdered first alive. It's a curse, if I like your character, you're definitely go to die in some terribly gruesome way, and I'll be bummed. Sigh.  (This happens most when watching Top Chef, or any cooking related show.  If I pick you as my main person, boom, you're immediately going home for using puff pastry dough or for doing shitty front of the house.)

Justin: Prometheus is a pretty decent sci fi flick. I had super high expectations for the following reasons: Ridley Scott taking the helm of arguably his greatest franchise, explaining the mystery of the alien in the cockpit of the ship in the first film, and finally the origins of one of sci fi's scariest monsters. Visually, this film did not disappoint. Massive in scale, painted in dark grey and steel blue. The technology created is really awe inspiring. Where this film loses me is the story. You've got your typical space gang of serious scientists and foul mouthed crew members. One thing that was missing was Sigorney Weaver's powerful acting chops, leaving much of the drama a little flat. I don't know how much I can say without spoiling everything, but the main thing that bugs me is that the franchise is called Alien, and if this prequel is canon, they should probably rethink that. This movie has been in the works for over a decade, changing hands multiple times and surviving multiple script revisions. The final twist was put together by none other than Damon Lindelof, who is know for writing stories that fascinate, but ultimately leave off with a resounding "huh?" This is a movie I would say is much better in a theater. We saw it in 3D, and it's got such an epic scope that it's really something on the big screen. The drama/horror aspects kind of work too, but will probably seem ho hum on the small screen. You can just feel the rewrites and revisions, the sewn together story elements from different drafts that feel disjointed and awkward. These are quibbles, really, but I was expecting a masterpiece. Some wasted potential, but it's still a pretty entertaining movie.

Pearls Deluxe Burger

Justin: Let me tell you a little story. For my birthday a few years ago, Chels had bought us tickets to see Conan O’Brien at the Masonic Center. The condition was that I pick a place to go to dinner beforehand. I chose Pearl’s Deluxe Burger, only a few blocks down the hill. As we walked up to the place, Chels was convinced that this little hole in the wall burger place would be a let down. I had heard otherwise, but seeing the tiny burgerstand, I also had my doubts. We ate. It was a revelation, at least for me. I remember stepping out and thinking, “what a cool neighborhood?” A few months later, we moved just two blocks away. That’s how good those burgers are. This article is about the Post St. location, not the new one on Market which I’ve yet to try. Here’s the drill: they have fresh gourmet buns delivered daily. They have the absolute best meat, allowing you to upgrade to Buffalo if you’re into that. The menu is simple. Burger’s, toppings, fries, sweet potato fries, a huge variety of milkshakes, soda, your standard burger fare. It’s so damn good though. Sometimes simple is better. The burgers are huge and juicy, and are always hooked up with the quality extras. Unlimited free pickle spears? Check. The shakes are also damn good, but they shorten my lifespan by a few months each time. I most always get the Bomb Burger, an open face chili/cheese burger. I’m also quite down with the “spries” mix of fries and sweet potato fries. Here’s the drill: with more than two or three people, do not plan to eat in. It’s freaking tiny. For bigger groups call in your order ahead and carry out. These burgers are enormous and delicious. They used to be open until 3AM, but those days are sadly over. Pearl’s is cheaper than Denny’s, but clearly superior to a lot of “fancy” restaurant burger’s I’ve experienced in my day. This place has become another one of those “you have to go here” places for people who come to visit us out of town. I might just have to indulge in one of these right now. Conan was awesome, by the way.

Chels: How is it possible that we don't have a review for Pearls yet? Justin and I come here all of the time, and when we're not physically there stuffing our burger loving faces to capacity we're raving about it to anyone who will listen. "Oh you haven't heard of Pearls? Well then let me take you and show you what you've been deprived of your entire life." - and by take you there I completely mean let-you-buy-me-a-burger-because-you're-just-so-grateful-that-I-expanded-your-burger-horizons. Pearl's is located DANGEROUSLY close to my apartment and I find myself coming up with excuses to eat here more and more frequently. "Whats that? It's Thursday?! Well I gotta go to Pearls!" "Whats that now? It's raining?!? Well I should go to Pearls." "WHAT'S THAT YOU SAY?? OBAMA APPROVES OF SAME SEX MARRIAGE?? Well now I'm definitely going to Pearls." I have two burgers that I rotate between. The first, The Prized Pearl, comes with blue cheese crumbles, mushrooms, bacon, and lettuce - hold all that other bells and whistles - I like my burgers like I like my whiskey, DRY. My other staple burger is the Pearls Deluxe with bacon and American cheese (stop judging me, it totally 'real cheese'). Their garlic fries can not be beat. Hands down the best fries in the City. I would horrible, horrible things for those fries. HORRIBLE, so don't ask me, okay fine, I'll do it. If you've got a sweet tooth do not miss out on their shakes, specifically my favorite, Mint Oreo. I just want to dunk my face in a giant vat of this milky, creamy, minty goodness. Hmmm, that gives me an idea ... So, now my reviews done, guess I should, go to Pearl's? **I would answer that rhetorical question, but now my mouth is full of cheeseburger.**

Marvel's The Avengers

Chels: Let's just get this out of the way now. I think it's sooo incredibly lame that Chris Evans was re-cast as Captain America. It infuriates me actually. YOU ALREADY USED HIM, HE PICKED HIS MARVEL CHARACTER. Granted, it was the Human Torch (booo) whom only appeared in the Fantastic 4 franchise (suuucks). But still, once you cashed that check there's no do overs. Now, I fully understand he was already on their pay roll, and I'm not saying that he doesn't make a good Captain America (he is bad ass), but I just think it's shows such a lack of effort by the studio, when they just cherry pick an actor that they already used and re-use him for a different character. < end of rant > But The Avengers was a fantastic movie (see what I did there). I would enthusiastically recommend this movie to any and everyone. Justin and I saw it in 3-D, which definitely made some of the epic intergalactic fight scenes immensely better. Everything's better with an extra dimension, right? The main standout for me, and what has me the most excited for Avenger spin off movies, is Mark Ruffalo as The Hulk. I looove me some Mark Ruffalo (13 Going on 30, anyone?), glad to see he's getting some work. And his Hulk is awesome. I don't even want to compare him to Eric Bana's Hulk - we all know that was shit-tastic. And Ed Norton's Hulk just makes me sad, or maybe that's because I was forced to look at Liv Tyler's droopy dog face throughout the entirety of the movie. Who knows, either way, Mark Ruffalo is waaaaaaay better. Thinking back on it, all of my favorite parts from The Avengers include The Hulkster (some others include Chris Hemsworth, but that's mostly because he's beautiful). There are some great one liners in this movie, it's wonderfully written. Serious enough to get points across, but it's completely conscious of itself - which I believe allows it to tap into a fresh vein when it comes to attempting to create a successful action/comedy franchise. It goes without saying that this is an action movie, but I also find it to be extremely witty. Combine the brilliant writing with some great actors/performances and you get what is sure to be THE blockbuster movie to beat this summer.  CHELS SMASH!

Justin: Oh man, what a movie. Not surprised this movie broke some records. It’s the first real summer blockbuster of the year in my opinion, and people were ready for something big. Hunger Games was good, this is freaking epic. Say what you will about Joss Whedon. I’m pretty down with some his stuff, but I’m not super into Buffy or Firefly. Firefly is good stuff but I never watched them back to back. This project is a perfect fit for him, and the screenwriting is goddamn amazing. Funny, action packed, thrilling, vertigo inducing and produced on a massive scale from beginning to end. I really think he did the franchise justice. It’s too good. There’s so much character to learn, so many balls in the air, so many different threads in the action. How he managed to weave this altogether is almost miraculous to me, as a writer. Where do I start? Ruffalo, dude. Thor? Iron Man? There’s too much I could say about this, but I’m not spoiling anything here. If you’re a fan of Marvel's (or should I say Disney’s) recent fare, you’ll be right at home with the characters. It’s so fun to see the heroes match up and clash as they find each other faced with a terrifying situation. As they grow to trust each other, they work together and save each other in what ends up being such an inspiring tale of teamwork and beating the odds it almost makes me misty. Yeah. I loved it. I might see it again. Sorry to gush, I guess I forgot to criticize anything. This movie has not one, but two, post credit scenes. The reveal in the first of these scenes made my inner comic book nerd cream so hard I’m embarrassed to confess it. Chels was like “who’s that?” The second post credit scene? Stick around and check it out.

Sushi Zen

Chels: There is no possible way for me to convey the awesomeness of Sushi Zen. Both words and pictures will always fail to do it justice. So many countless good times have been had in Sushi Zen. Many a date night has ended with Justin and I rolling ourselves down Taraval to our old apartment (it should be noted that Sushi Zen is the #1 thing I miss from my old neighborhood).  I have a yearly tradition of consuming sushi and imbibing sake on my birthday, three of the last 5 have been at Sushi Zen. While Sushi Zen is amazing both day and night, the lunch specials are what really push this place from awesome-hole-in-the-wall-sushi to BLOW-YOUR-MIND-BEYOND-DELICIOUS-BARGAIN-SUSHI (obviously you can infer from that I am cheap, and enjoy not spending money - or is that Justin?). The lunch specials offered are out of this world, both in flavor and cheapness. Being located across from a high school does have its perks for Sushi Zen, they have a virtually endless line of little groms waiting for food around lunch time (AVOID PEAK LUNCH HOURS 12 PM - 1 PM), it can get a little crowded during this time, but nothing you haven't seen before (remember, you live in San Francisco). But it's thanks to these little brats that the lunch special prices are so insanely affordable. I almost don't want to tell you about the specials, but with all this development that would just be bad form, but I don't want this little secret getting out. I trust you, but only you, so don't go blabbing about this to your interweb friends. HUGE BENTO BOXES - $7 (Teriyaki Chicken, Rice, Ca. Roll, Miso Soup, Salad)  DOUBLE SUSHI ROLLS - $7 (Super Dynamite + Shrimp Tempura)  TEMPURA UDON BOWLS -$7 (they give you soup BEFORE your soup)  The list goes on and on really, something for everyone at a price for every budget.But if/when you make it out to Sushi Zen (I will admit that it's officially in the boons) be sure to do yourself a favor and order the Winter Wonderland roll. This roll is incredibly delicious and original to Sushi Zen. No other roll has ever tasted as good, or been as filing as the Winter Wonderland. PS - THEY GIVE YOU FREE ICECREAM. FREE ICE CREAM.

Justin: Another mainstay during our Parkside days, Sushi Zen is one of my favorite sushi restaurants of all time. It’s a hole in the wall, nothing to write home about from the décor standpoint. Yellow walls and hundreds of photos of satisfied sushi fanatics plaster most every open surface in the place. They have a small sushi bar and a very friendly chef who will happy take a shot of sake with whomever. This place is right around the corner from a high school, so every day it over run by a thousand punk high school kids. This means one thing: awesome, cheap lunch special menu. Also don’t go there at noon on a weekday. The lunch menu is awesome. They a have a shrimp tempura/dynamite roll combo for less than 8 bucks that’s an incredible value.They also have cheap bento boxes which are a common choice of mine. If you go in the evening, the selection is a little more expensive, but still cheap compared to a lot of the “theme” sushi restaurants in the city. Here’s what makes it stand out: the sushi. This place knows how to make a fat, tasty, perfect roll. Try the WinterWonderland roll. Shrimp tempura inside, crab and some kind of teriyaki sweet sauce and tobiko on top. Incredibly decadent and delicious. For the longest time it was 9.99, now I think it’s a few bucks more. Worth it. This was a go to place when we lived on Taraval, and we make a point to stop in whenever we head back that way. Hell, it’s the main excuse we have for going to Parkside, period. Free Ice Cream is not a myth. Just wait. It always appears magically, right when everyone is ready to hit the door and heavily laden with some of the finest, most affordable sushi in the whole of San Francisco. Almost cruel! If given a choice, I recommend the mango.

Hunger Games: The Movie

Chels: Let's get his out of the way now, I have been obsessed with this book series for months now. And much to Justin's annoyance I have relentlessly been trying to get Justin to read it. But blah blah blah, he hasn't, and will pay dearly for it - but that's another story. So obviously I was one of those people that advance ordered tickets to opening night and for weeks have anxiously been crossing days off my calendar. The Hunger Games depicts a semi-post-apocalyptic dis-utopian society wherein the rich and privileged relish their most sacred yearly televised event of the same name. But in this game you don't win by being the biggest skank, or eating the most cockroaches, or even having the best (worst) voice in all the land. No, in this game you compete for you life, and only your wits or brute strength will save you. All of the 12 Districts of Panem must offer up 1 boy and 1 girl between the ages of 12 and 18 in Tribute to fight to the death inside The Hunger Games. If you have been living under a rock the past few months there is a chance you might not have already absorbed this information, but for the rest of you, I'm going to spare you my in-depth description of the structure and plot line of Hunger Games the novel (that's a whole other review, right Squid?). So, you're either a girl, in which case you more than likely have read Hunger Games (didn't you just love it?), or you're a dude and think it's a chick book and can't get past the first few pages were Katniss describes her cat, Buttered Stuff, uh, Butternuts, wait, wait, I mean BUTTER CUP!! Either way, you should be happy to know that the movie does in fact do a good job of staying true to the book - well, as much as any multi million dollar blockbuster book-to-screen-adaptation can. Jennifer Lawrence does a wonderful job portraying Katniss Everdeen. I've loved her since Winter's Bone and playing young Mystique in the latest X-Men movie didn't hurt either. She is amazing and I can really see her successfully stepping into this characters shoes and carrying her story through all 3 books of the series. Josh Hutcherson gets the job done as Peeta Mellark, but he wouldn't have been my first choice casting wise. I think he has the chops to carry this character where he eventually needs to go, but he's a little too baby-faced and , cough, short , to really make me believe he was born to be Peeta. Gale, ohhh Gale on the other hand, yeeooowzaaa. I could look at Liam Hemsworth alllll daaay, but then I start to hear "IT'S MILEY" and I have to instantly cringe when I realize I'm oogling Miley Cyrus's man candy. Uuugh. Like I said, I love these books. So it was really annoying/obvious when an element completely diverted from what was described in the original. Example: if something is described as GOLD, it obviously should NOT be gun metal grey. If someone is described as being unique with BLUE EYES, don't make them brown - it makes you look stupid. All in all I definitely left satisfied. My hunger had be abated (see what I did there), at least until the next movie. AND MAY THE ODDS BE EVER IN YOUR FAVOR!!

Justin: Who’s hungry! I read the first 11% of this book on my phone. I read about three pages and then got dismayed about the interaction with the cat. This scene actually made it into the movie. The scene where Catnip refuses to eat with utensils at the fancy banquet, did not. That’s where I stopped. By then, I knew that this headstrong young huntress was the biggest Mary Sue in the history of early 21st literature. Sorry KStew. Chels booked tickets far, far in advance of the release. I knew I was to witness the spectacle that is The Hunger Games: The Movie the Prequel to the Next Two Movies. Apparently this trilogy is so addictive that people usually get through the first three books by the time they finish sitting down. Our movie going experience, at the wonderful Kabuki Theater, was excellent. Assigned seats in the drinking section, although we didn’t drink for some reason. All the girls had read the books. None of the dudes, straight or gay, had read any of them. We were all in the same boat. My friend Pat and I walked through Japantown and sipped a tall can so all the kids who already knew how this movie ended could speak freely without ruining anything. Gosh, maybe I should talk about this movie. I had a feeling all through this movie that our neo-Appalachian heroine was never in any real danger. “She’s gonna live,” I whispered. “No! You can’t know that, you never read it.” said Chels. Mary Sues don’t die, Chels. Unless it’s The Lovely Bones, and even then they get to dance around with their grandpas in Lisa Frank heaven and peep on their little sisters. Right: Hunger Games. This is a good movie! 2012 has mostly sucked for movies, and this is a bright spot. I thought it was pretty well made, and well paced. It’s a great story, really. Solid B. Love that girl from Winter’s Bone. I thought it was funny how her hunky hunter dudefriend was hiding an Australian accent while she tried to hide her Southern accent. The baker kid is decent. This movie sucks so hard at first. It takes place in a futuristic world where Tim Gunn and Ronald McDonald conquered the fashion industry. Woody is so drunk. SPOILER ALERT: No, Woody does not vomit off of the stage like he does in the book. Of the 11% I read, that was my favorite part and I was looking forward to it. How could they take that part out? Actually, I surmise they took all the good stuff out, as many school marms mumbled, shoving past each other towards the exit when the credits rolled. Chels assures me it makes some smart compromises and represents the book well enough. This film. Like Ben Hur in its multi-colored grandure. Tucci, a masterful highlight for me. Oh my, the blushing embarrassment! Creepy Donald Sutherland President, who has weird smiling eyes when he talks about teens killing each other. I want to get away, I want to get away. Yeah, Lenny Kravitz. That firey dress. And then, she meets a handsome prince and lives in a castle with her million pet pony’s and eats ice cream without getting fat. No, actually she hides in the woods and acts like a little sneak for the whole movie when the rich kids get all Lord of the Flies. Gentlemen, Ladies, there is a lot of really excellent science fiction out there. This film, this trilogy, I hope, will entice a young generation of women away from the tawdry world of vampire fiction and instead into the geeky yet welcoming arms of Heinlein, Asimov and Niven. The universe would be a better place. Anyway, I, for one, would really like to see how Prim faired out there. With a name like Primrose Everdeen she’s got to be a stone cold murderer. Thanks a lot Catnip, now we’ll never know.

John Carter

Justin: John Carter has been around for 100 years, but you probably didn’t know that. You might recognize his slightly more primitive cousin, fellow Burroughs creation Tarzan – Man of the Apes. To say John Carter is the proto-type science fiction hero is a huge understatement. There is no doubt in my mind that Lucas was a fan of this work, as the commonalties are unavoidable. Let’s face it, everything ERB came up with in those books (of which there are many, and the movie borrows from several of them) has become a part of modern science fiction. From light sabers to teleporting to saving the princess to Ancient Aliens, it’s all there. Or should I say, it’s been there for 100 years collecting dust in the Adolescent section of the library. Disney made a smart move modernizing this franchise. I wish they had called it “John Carter of Mars” because the title John Carter makes it sound like it could be about real estate fraud or struggles with impotence. You better believe this movie takes place on Mars. (Editor’s note – Despite being from Earth, “John Carter of Mars” is his official title.) It starts out kind of steam punk western, and then gets extremely space opera. It’s pretty grand to watch, but we skipped the 3D this time. Mistake? Probably. Mars’s low gravity lets John basically own everyone and anything he comes across in almost cartoonish action sequences that are really something to behold. Now, can I give this movie a perfect review? No. Like Watchmen, there is no way to stick with the early 20th century conventions found in the text or deviate from them without angering someone. It’s a catch 22. Keeping Burroughs’s character as the “inheritor of his dead uncle’s manuscripts” as a story vehicle is SO 1912, but I found it charming. It’s sexist as heck, too. Also, who is this guy and why isn’t it James Franco? Chels hated this movie, but she liked his “weird worm dog” sidekick.

Chels: Don't call Bryan Cranston a "weird worm dog" Justin, he'll go all Walter White on your ass. But he wasn't a "weird worm dog" dude, he was a "super space worm dog", c'mon. I had zero knowledge of who John Carter was before seeing this movie. All I knew was that Justin was pumped about, which means it could go either way, and that it was a Disney movie, which since it wasn't animation, meant it would definitely suck. Willem Dafoe lends his voice to this crazy-horned-wanna-be-Na'vi-Mars-alien-tribal-chief, which is cool. But his people have some weird rules, not cool. Oh and they lay eggs, weird. But they are on Mars, so I guess that makes it cool. While there were some pretty cool things, I won't lie - it's mostly just the super cool space worm dog, in my opinion John Carter had some serious flaws that I just couldn't get past. Poor Justin, this always happens to him. He'll drag me to some movie that I know will be horrible, I try to explain to him why this movie will suck. He's an educated man, capable of rationalized decisions right? Wrong. Poor Justin. inevitably there is a moment in each of these movies he forces me to see, where I can turn to him and just stare, not saying a word. The stare says it all. "Are you serious?" "This shit right here?" "This is all your fault." This movies moment can be summed up in just one state, err, word. "VIRGINIA"

Wanderlust

Justin: I grew up watching the State. I love Wet Hot American Summer. So when I heard Relativity Media was producing a spiritual follow-up to WHAS, but set on free-love commune starring Paul Rudd, well, I wanted to dip my balls in it. I think that once you’ve done comedy for as long as David Wain and the other State alumni, you have to keep upping the ante. Maybe comedy is like a drug, and a dose that would kill a first time user is your Tuesday night. This movie is an acid-test. I’m not sure if I passed. This is strong stuff. Wanderlust has an amazing cast. They just keep coming, star after star, from Alan Alda to Jordan Peele. Anyone who has seen Reno 911 or Children’s Hospital will recognize most all of the players. It suffers from a common problem with large ensemble casts: lots of characters, little depth. So much raunch. So much. I enjoyed the hippie commune satire that was going on (grew up in Santa Cruz, remember, so this was familiar territory for me.) It’s peppered with absolutely hilarious scenes from comic actors at the top of their game, like a few local news parodies with the cast of Stella. Wain is the weather guy. I think the idea of tuning in and dropping out is just as cogent today as it was in the Summer of ’69. Free love doesn’t always crack up the way it’s supposed to, however, and our characters find this out the hard way. It’s hard to tell just who this movie is ribbing most: boring suburbanite stiffs, urban corporate wanks or new age hippie baby boomers and their weird friends. It basically says that they all pretty much suck, which leaves the film devoid of any philosophical message. Usually this kind of catharsis stands out in Apatow’s other productions. For me, the most memorable part is probably Rudd’s mirror pep talk to himself. That, and Joe Lo Troglio’s junk.

Chels: Let's just get right to it. This movie sucks. I only slightly feel bad saying that. I'm usually the girl who pulls for that new Jennifer Aniston movie that's coming out, even though I know it's going to suck so freaking bad. For all the movies she makes I keep waiting for another Good Girl or Office Space, but it's just not happening. Oh, and she needs to fire her make up artist - post haste. I ended up really loathing her character at the end of this movie, she's no where near good enough for my Paul. Justin is right about one thing. All the best moments of Wanderlust happen during Paul Rudd's mirror pep talk. Genius, disturbing, but genius. Wait, actually Ken Marino has some pretty great moments too. Marino plays Rudd's uber yuppie douchebag older brother, who's mother clearly did things to him that she did not do to Rudd. There's also a pretty great scene with Marino's tweeny asshole son. My advice would be to skip it, just like most Jennifer Aniston movies.

The L Train

Justin: Oh man, the L. Back when we lived in the Sunset on Taraval, this was the main artery that Chels and I both had to follow to get to our Downtown jobs. What can I say? My biggest enemy? My savior? I can't really think of a line of public transportation that I have cursed and praised so passionately. Taraval (or as some call the neighborhood, Parkside) is a little known part of town that no one ever bothers to go to unless they live out there. It's got some decent bars, some absolutely terrible bars, a few choice little restaurants and whatnot. This is the Irish part of town, which is to say that the Chinese population is only about 75%. The L is the way to get to our favorite little hillside perch on Ocean Beach, where we had a nice little outing yesterday. It was a pleasant little nostalgic trip, and is the reason behind this review. Also, the L will take you from Embarcadero to the Zoo, which is free on the first Wednesday of the month. You can't go wrong with that.

Chels:Can a person genuinely miss a public transit line? Is one line really that much better than the next? First, boom. There's some light reading while you're riding the L. I have literally been witness to every single action or situation described on that list. The most disgusting is "nail clipping lady", she is the absolute bane of my MUNI riding existence. I'll take the smelly homeless man or awkward older gentleman who has mastered the 'arm boob brush' whilst entering or exiting the car. This lady will cut her finger nails AND toe nails while sitting right next to you. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've been on an L train that turned into a M or K train somewhere between Castro and West Portal. Of course I only figure this out once we don't make the turn out of the tunnel, thanks a lot shitastic L train MUNI drivers. And yes, the drivers frequently run out of the train at a stop sign. But I've never seen one come back with lotto tickets, no, usually just sandwiches or KFC, or sometimes they come back with donuts (but never enough for all of us), this one particular MUNI driver would stop every morning at The Copper Kettle to get a croissant and an espresso, he was one of the those rare classy MUNI drivers. While being ridiculous and unbelievably unreliable, the L train definitely had its great moments. I met some fascinating people when I was commuting daily between The Sunset and Embarcadero, the majority of whom I will never see again, but for a few minutes there we were comrades of the commute. But when all is said and done, the L train is by far the most efficient of all the MUNI lines. Its the City's only direct public transit link between Downtown (tourism $$) and the SF Zoo. So even during MUNI line cut backs/slashes and transfer hikes, the L service was left fairly unscathed because the City couldn't afford to not have trains shuttling people down to the Zoo. When Justin and I recently went to Sushi Zen for Valentine's Day I was slightly taken aback by the strong reunion sensation I had when I stepped aboard the L train at Civic Center. It felt like I had actually missed this train. But then we got on the train heading home and "nail clipping lady" was sitting two rows up and to the right of us. So no, L Train, I don't miss you at all.

El Tesoro

Justin: Yeah, it couldn't wait, here's my review of El Tesoro. OK, so I grew up in Santa Cruz. We have some serious goddamn burrito places in Santa Cruz that, to my taste, are a far cry above most anything in San Francisco. I'll give it to a few taquerias in the Mission for technically being more authentic, but when it comes to proper gigantic Mexican food, my heart will always pine for a Chimichanga Plate at Los Pinos. El Tesoro (Spanish for The Treasure) is a little slice of Santa Cruz in San Francisco, to me. The salsa bar with those pickled jalapenos and carrots that I love, fresh lime slices, radishes, a bunch of different salsa varieties. The habanero one is dangerous. Every place in Santa Cruz had a salsa bar, but in SF they are a rarity. Why is this? Their 5 dollar regular nachos are THE best value for food on our block. Chips, beans, cheese and salsa and tons of them. This place knows how to do the fundamentals. Like beans. How can one properly judge Mexican food if they refuse to sample the frijoles? El Tesoro is also not just Mexican food. You can get burgers, fries, cheese steaks, Cesar salads, and they're open until midnight daily. They have horchata. They have futbol on the TV in the back. If I have a five dollar bill and want to eat a real meal, I head across the street to El Tesoro.

Chels: Let's get this out of the way right now. Yes, I HATE beans. They taste like dirt. There. But I have a serious beef with El Tesoro. I wanted to like them, I really did. In fact, they were THE very first dining establishment we tried in our hood when we moved in almost 2 years ago. But they suck. Their rice is gross (and has CORN in it, excuse me?) and I never can decide on a type of meat to get there that doesn't immediately make me regret any and all decisions made before it. They do offer multiple choices of types of tortillas for you to choose from, so there's that. But El Tesoro's defining moment came when I made the mistake of ordering a Chicken Caesar Salad. Believe me, this idea was botched from the get go, I know that. But regardless, I ordered my ill-fated salad and all was good. At least that was what I had though, until half of the SFPD decided to walk in right after me. Now, I'm fully aware that in the great scope of the universe I am nothing but a lump of mass on a speck of dirt, got it. But if I give you money for food I expect to get said food in a timely manner. But NOOOOO, not at El Tesoro. They went ahead and made all 10 of the cops burritos before even beginning my order (It's a salad folks, just chop some lechuga and I'll be on my way). Then after the last cop walked out, a ,one worker ran across the street to the corner store and returned with two heads of lettuce. REALLY GUY DO YOU THINK I DIDN'T JUST SEE YOU RUN ACROSS THE STREET AND BUY THAT?

BattleStar Galactica: Series Pilot Episode

Chels: Ohhh you read that header correctly my friends. This is a review that I posted ... about BattleStar Galactica. And I guess I should just come right out and say it, I like this show. So by now I've seen more than just the pilot episode, but for the purpose of this review we'll focus solely on the series pilot. I was less than eager to start watching this show, as I'm sure you could guess. This was Justin's choice of the next TV we were going to watch from pilot to finale. I completely picked small with my previous show choice. Damn you Party Down, I need way more than 2 seasons of you! So here's the breakdown. We're in the future, really really really far in the future. So far in the future in fact that we've created a superior race of robots (Cylons), and they've had enough time to evolve and almost wipe us dumb humans clear off the map. They're smarter, stronger, and now, they look like us. And, they have a plan. Dunnn dunnn dunnnnnnnn. I love the cast of this show, it's just bizarro after bizarro. There's Colonel Saul Tigh who looks EXACTLY like skinny John McCain. We can't forget Dr. Gaius Baltar, who obviously jumped too far into the future while being Desmond on LOST and is now forced to be the smartest human alive (no pressure or anything). But my personal favorite bizarro is Admiral William Adama. Does this guy not look like Tommy Lee Jones and George Lopez had a baby? You know you see it! As I dive deeper and deeper into the almost endless abyss of BSG episodes, and the numerous full length movies (when does it stop!?), I find myself becoming more and more of a fan. Did I just say that out loud?

Justin: Dude, you should have heard Chels trying to get out of watching this show. Perhaps she doth protest too much? Off topic here, but please indulge me. My geek father raised me on a little show called Star Trek. Chels is strictly a Star Wars girl. I was actually unaware that it was a problem to be a fan of both until I was an adult. No one is going to argue Episode 4-6 of Star Wars was anything but a landmark for film and science fiction in general. Star Wars changed everything. My argument was this: as a Star Wars fan, if you hate the prequels, don't play the games, don't read the comics or novels, and don't pay attention to the excellent Clone Wars animated series, what can you really say your a fan of? 6 or 7 hours of film? Let's take Star Trek, for example, a franchise that predates Star Wars by over a decade and has literally hundreds and hundreds of hours of episodes, spinoffs, and more than ten full length features. If you want to seriously get your money's worth out of your Netflix account, you need a franchise with some content, am I right? So since I've already seen most all of Star Trek (up until about season 2 of DS9, even I can only handle so much) I set my sights on fraking Battlestar Galactica. The original Battlestar debuted shortly after Episode 4 of Star Wars came out and blew everyone's minds. The modern reboot has some real insidious twists on the original series. It's like a mixture of some of the best TV Sci Fi tropes in one show. It has the space battles that made Star Wars so exciting. It has the military mission mentality from Star Trek. It has Desmond from Lost. Just kidding, but that Gaius dude really reminds me of him, brotha. It's like Star Trek if the Federation got destroyed in the first episode. It deals with the notion of science vs. superstition, which I find fascinating. Also, these like, cylons, who don't know they're cylons. The character's are really human and the technobable is limited, compared to Star Trek. It can become a dramarama, but I knew it was famous for this. The Space Opera stuff is one of the reasons this show had appeal beyond the usual LAN party nerds.

El Sol

Chels: El Sol is a fantastic Mexican food place right around the corner from Justin and my apartment. I can't get enough of El Sol, although Justin will probably disagree with me when I say that this is the best burrito place in our neighborhood. But I do think that it is THAT GOOD. The service is always amazing, they have some really great people working behind the counter. Everyone says hello and you're always greeted with a smile, there's no way you can't feel more than welcome here. This last part is important, being the The Loin' you really start to appreciate clean business that don't have homeless people living inside of them (which I guess would negate the whole being homeless thing). I usually opt for a burrito, hold the beans. I really like the flavor of their rice, and the spicy chicken (red in color and marinated to give it a good and tender bite). They can really 'roid out your burrito. Mine normally have rice, spicy chicken, medium salsa, a LOT of cilantro, and sometimes cheese. You definitely can't go wrong with a visit to El Sol. Make sure to grab a frequent burrito card and have them stamp it each time you go. There's no way I would ever turn down a chance to earn myself a free burrito.

Justin: El Sol and El Tesoro don't know it, but they have a feud going on. See, my favorite Mexican place around here is El Tesoro for a couple of reasons. Well, I'll follow up on that in a later review. Here's what El Sol does have: super tasty, consistent, Mexican food. It's a couple bucks more, but the ingredients are all quality. I love the chopped, fresh cilantro right on the makeline. Their rojo chicken is especially gourmet for a burrito joint. They let you build your own custom burrito right in front of you. This is especially good for those individuals (who shall remain nameless) that are incredibly picky. Their super nachos are huge and it's great how you can have them load them up to your own personal specifications. A little more of this, a little less of that. Where I'm from, however, you can get a Mexican meal without dropping more than ten bucks.

Cleverbot vs. SmarterChild

Justin: Not everyone is lucky (like me) and have somebody to share Valentine's day with. Word up Chels! How's work? If you really need someone to hang with, why not Cleverbot? I figured a robot conversation would be good for a laugh. Maybe a little romantic simulation, just to sample the collective consciousness of the internet. Boy was that not the case: User: Wassup. Cleverbot: Nothing. User: Same here. Cleverbot: Ok. User: Thats it? Cleverbot: What do you want me to say? User: This is awkward. Cleverbot: It is? User: For me yes. Cleverbot: Perhaps you were wrong to think so. Your answer didn't tell me anything about ellie. User: WHO THE FUCK IS ELLIE? Cleverbot: Pink is a singer. User: What the fuck does that mean. Cleverbot: I know that you are cleverer than that. User: Did u cheat on me you fucker. Cleverbot: No, I am not a cheater. I just left you. User: OMG on fucking valentines day? Really? Cleverbot: Thank you. User: No, thank you prick. Cleverbot: You're Welcome. So yeah, Cleverbot just dumped me on Valentine's day. Results may differ.

Chels: Cleverbot huh Justin? Well I will see your Cleverbot, and raise you a SmarterChild. Ohhhh SmarterChild, I wonder just how many hours of my adolescent youth I spent arguing with you about my existence, or if you even existed. It was always my goal to make your theoretical head explode. But he always proved to be just too damn Smart! Here's a good one. The ole can you get SmartChild to admit that he's totally gay. Always good for a laugh. User: Are you gay? SmarterChild: Is it important for you to know? User: Yes SmarterChild: Is this some sort of hot topic among humans these days? User: Yes SmarterChild: Wow. Why? User: It just is SmarterChild: Are you sure? It just is? User: Yes User: Are you gay? SmarterChild: Yeah? Why? Sidenote: I would have had a convo with SmartChild myself. But I'm not a 15 year old girl with an AOL account and this isn't 1999. *cue up horrible modem sounds now*

Heart of the City Farmer's Market

Chels: I can't rave about Heart of the City Farmer's Market enough. To say that I love this farmer's market would be a gross understatement. Living in the Tenderloin I truly appreciate the diversity that Heart of the City Farmer's Market brings all us Loin' locals. HOC is open every Wednesday and Sunday (major holidays excluded) rain or shine (although your choice of vendors may vary depending on the severity of the downpour). And you're better off going early to mid-morning. Some booths sell out early and pack it up once they're out of goods. The must visit booths are: 1) The Mushroom Guy - I LOVE THIS GUY. Ask him about the mushrooms. Not only will he give you great advice on how to cook them and what other foods to pair them with. But he has a habit of throwing in some extra shrooms for the inquisitive customer. His theory is that if you like the mushrooms, you'll come back and buy them next time. Smart man. 2) The Nut Stand - Now this takes a little more describing as there are multiple booths slanging nuts (deez nuts??). The best nut booth is back towards Hyde Street by the guy selling flowers. These guys are great. Go for the Chili Lemon Almonds (like crack), if you're crazing something sweet nothing can beat the Maple Almonds (also like crack), and if you like pistachios you HAVE to try their Teriyaki Pistachios (have you figured out that deez nuts are like crack yet?). There are numerous booths that sell really fresh, fine produce. But telling you the hands down best produce booth would greatly depend on the season and exactly what item you were looking for. Go and peruse, get your hands dirty in the Tenderloin (eewwww not like that, sicko).

Justin: Getting by on a budget is tough in the center of the second most densely populated city in the country. (NYC beats us on that front.) If you're sick of paying convenience store prices for produce, I strongly recommend you check out the HOC Farmer's Market. These guys are out there, rain or shine, every Sunday and Wednesday. You can find stuff there that you can't find anywhere else. Chels already mentioned the nut guy. Those chili-lime almonds are out of this world. You can also find eggs, gourmet Italian and Middle Eastern goodies, fruits, vegetables, flowers, and basically anything else. If you're looking for freshly killed chicken, you'll have to look elsewhere as PETA and others put a stop to this last year. If you happen to be hanging around Civic Center while it's going on, go ahead and give it a stroll. Try some fresh peach slices or grapes, check out some strange plantlife that you won't find at Safeway, buy some fresh herbs and spices. Remember that every dollar you spend goes directly to the farmers who brought all this good stuff into the city, not some lousy megamart chain. Haggle a little. The true master's of the art know that all the good stuff goes fast, so if you want to see the very best they have to offer, go early. If you go close to 5 PM, slow moving items are being practically given away. Check it out!

Chronicle

Justin: I hear the title "Chronicle" and I think it must be about a newspaper, or maybe a magical Lion named Aslan. A better title would have been "Telepathy High School." Sorry, is that a spoiler? The stage is set with our three main characters. The first one is basically me in high school: a complete outcast who is generally hated. Granted, he's a skinny hipster kid, not a rotund neckbeard with asthma, but the essentials are the same. Also, my mom wasn't sick and my dad wasn't an alcoholic moron, so fortunately I haven't had to turn to the dark side. However, the teenage angst element was something that, at first, I identified with. The second guy is his cousin, all around nice guy and not much else. The third guy is Barrack Obama Jr., star athlete, Mr. Popular, class president, yada yada. These unlikely conspirators are thrown in the mix together after discovering some kind of artifact underground that gives them Heroes abilities. They are still very mortal, and all have the same powers. They gradually get better and better at using them, graduating from legos to buses over a few short weeks. From the perspective of a kid who always wished he had super powers, this was fun. While the whole "found footage" thing is becoming a bit of a cliche, this movie does it with enough style and clever trickery that it didn't seem out of place. Our angsty anti-hero justifies his decision to film everything as a way to keep his abusive father out of his room. The fun part of the movie plays like a youtube video, full of hoots and hollers but devoid of plot. The only time it got stupid was when the cousin and his love interest, a high school reporter who also films everything, have their awkward teenage flirtations while aiming cameras at each other. So yeah, the kid eventually loses it and turns evil. He starts wreaking havoc on Seattle and being generally lame, smashing things and screaming like a little cry baby. Overall this is my biggest criticism with this film. While the special effects and action are cool, and using security footage and camera angles gives it a more realistic feel, what I hate about it is that it is assumed this was how it had to be. At a point in the film, he asks his friends why they can't simply escape from their lives and go seek enlightenment in the Himalayas. This is a damn good question, really. This, for me, was a brief glimmer of hope for this movie. Shouldn't it be possible that those faced with adversity and social anxiety can somehow conquer their demons and discover the greatness within themselves? Can't we claim that these people, super powers or not, don't have to become the victims of abuse and succumb to villany? His two compatriots laugh at the idea. Their big idea? Talent show. So anyway, fans of the genre will probably think this is a pretty fun movie. It's a deconstruction of the superhero mythos, with all the camp and colored costumes removed. The underlying message, that those who have been corrupted by abuse are impossible to save, is not one that I endorse.

Chels: I have some SERIOUS issues with Chronicle. When I first saw previews in the theaters I was actually pretty pumped on it coming out, dare I say that I was even looking forward to it. Oh naivety. Unfortunately for Chronicle, it falls amongst many other ill fated movies that reveal the entire plot in the previews. I can't express to you how much I loathe this. I understand that the whole point of previews are to draw me in and make me want to see the movie. But it fills me with disdain that once the movie titans have pocketed my hard earned cash (or in my and Justin's case my free movie passes that my Mom gives us - shout out to my Mom!) that they get all lazy and just show me the preview again. Only this time instead of being two minutes, it's two hours. Skip it if you can. Lots of teenage boys menstruating, which was just as weird as it sounds. There's one particular kid that God or Xenu or The Lords of Kobol must REALLY hate, and he ends up getting totally owned. This was actually one of the most gratifying sequences in the movie for me. Yes. Chelsea is a monster, blah blah blah, tel me something I don't know.

Supremo Pizza

Justin: These guys run a pizza joint on the roughest block in the Tenderloin. Supremo Pizza is a no frills pizza/sandwich place that's open late. They deliver, but I usually just go pick it up myself so I can come home and exclaim "did someone order a large pepperoni?" Bitches love large pepperoni. The pizza is good. Sometimes the slices sit around for a bit so look for the freshest ones. The sandwiches are nothing to write home about. Honestly, my favorite thing about this place are the friendly Arabic dudes that run the place. These guys all know me by now and go out of their way to greet me with smiles when I stumble in wearing sweatpants at 1 AM. This stuff is rocket fuel for my late night writing binges. While they might not be the greatest slice in town, they're right across the street and never done me wrong. Bonus points for the laser light show in the window.

Chels: Bonus points for the light show indeed Justin. Who doesn't want to go into an epileptic seizure mid pizza bite? Answer, NO ONE. There's nothing wrong with requesting a side of brain damage with that large pepperoni mushroom. In fact, it happens to me all the time. A late night craving comes over you, you want pizza. But your brain is telling you that you want goooooooooood pizza. You have two options: 1) Splurge for some good San Francisco pizza (probably Little Star) 2) Realize you live in the Tenderloin and this is as gourmet as it gets. Needless to say Justin and I usually choose the second option. The guys at Supremo Pizza are great, really nice and friendly. But I do think that the best thing about Supremo (besides its Supreme location, see what I did there?) is its decor. Truly one of a kind, and I hope it stays that way. I always find myself staring at the creepy painting of a masked man STUFFING his face with pasta. I think it's trying to eat my soul. Just like this painting. I AM VIIIIIIIIGGOOOOOO!!!

Taylor Street Coffee Shop

Chels: Another great breakfast place in my and Justin's hood. Taylor Street Coffee Shop is a "Justin find". Meaning that Justin discovered it and bitched at me for weeks to give it a try. Being a Dottie's lover (pour a beer out for the fallen homies) I was not eager to venture away from what I love and try somewhere new. But Justin was persistent, so we went. Similar to Dottie's this place can have a retarded wait. It's super, SUPER small with only 8 or 9 tables and no counter to sit at. So if you time it wrong and come during peak hours you can find yourself standing in this awkward walkway waiting for a table to open up. Granted, the wait isn't anywhere near as painful as Dottie's. But a wait when you're hungry is the longest wait I know. When we woke up this morning we were particularly hungry and hungover. A good greasy spoon breakfast was in order. Now you might ask yourself why we didn't go to our favorite neighborhood diner Pinecrest. Well, to put it bluntly, breakfast at Pinecrest sucks. So Taylor Street Coffee Shop it was. I ordered the Taylor's Hash (minus onions and green peppers) and was more than satisfied with my meal. Great hash browns mixed with mushrooms/cheese/parsley, easily 3 eggs worth of scrambled eggs, and rye toast. Infinite noms and exactly what my sluggish body was craving. And just for good measure, this was topped with a short stack of pancakes. Shut up. Don't judge me, like you're sooooooooo perfect.

Justin: This funny little breakfast spot is wedged between two skyscrapers like an afterthought. It's long and skinny and maybe a little claustrophobic. And yellow. Lots of yellow. I'm down with the classic movie posters everywhere, because who doesn't want to be reminded of Homer Simpson or the Godfather (and his cat) while consuming heaps of breakfast? This time we walked right in and had a table instantly, which is not a guarantee. I had the breakfast croissant combo which hooked it up on bacon and comes with free coffee or tea. Only problem? Mine came way first and poor Chels began to fray around the edges after insisting I start without her. I was still hungry when it was gone but with those extra pancakes Chels had enough to share. For a little place, the service team seems to have their hands full. They were nice and kept the coffee full, but we weren't the only table whose breakfast came out at different times. It's a good choice for health conscious people with lots of alternatives on the menu. It's also literally too small to fit a deep fryer, so fries and their crispy comrades are not on the menu. I would recommended this place if you're looking for a hole in the wall that nobody knows about with some no nonsense breakfast. RIP Dottie's. You will be missed. Your absurdly long lines, however, will not. Don't worry Dottie's fans: the new SOMA location will open soon and we'll probably be standing in the rain with the rest of the rabble.

The Grey

Justin: Someone needs to nerf these wolf mobs. These drops suck. Wait, this isn’t Skyrim. I’m assuming you’ve seen the trailer for The Grey, so you know that Qui-Gon and the Ice Road Truckers get stuck out in the snow. This is a manly movie with stubbly dudes who are all working in Alaska for a reason. They are, as our wolf-hunting, super-emo Irish hero puts it, “assholes.” The season is over and everyone is on a plane back to the lower 48. There they will get paid and see their families again, well, the ones who have anyone to go back to. As the turbulence starts to worsen, a redneck version of Kurt Kobain jinxes it. Pretty soon the plane is hurtling through the sky in many different pieces. This plane crash scene is punishing to watch. All of a sudden you realize that this movie has a serious mean streak. Those who survive are basically the Village People: the mean one, the stupid one, the black one, the serious one, the construction worker. They never need to worry about eating each other or anything like that. They eat airplane food and at least one wolf, washing it down with little booze bottles from the airplane. They never have to turn on each other “like that one movie” points out redneck Kobain. One does not simply… walk back to civilization. The little fellowship is constantly being bullied by very ornery wolves that have a knack for striking right when it seems that the pressure is off. Super obvious spoiler: the guys get owned one by one until there’s basically no one left. Turns out the wolves are just one of many dangers. When the going gets tough, Neeson usually relives a memory of his lost love in flashback. Neeson is great and channels a great deal of emotion into this performance, which in no way takes away from the badassery. This is not Sarah Palin’s Alaska. The notion that God has abandoned them to survive on their own is a common theme that I liked. Did I say Sweden looked cold? Alaska makes Sweden look like Club Med. (Edit: I am registering a formal complaint with some shadowy internet organization or another due to Chels willfully stealing my Skyrim schtick.)

Chels: Once I left the theater after The Grey I was overcome with this weird sensation that I had seen this movie before. It was like I was watching a mis-matched compilation of scenes from various different movies and TV shows. The opener is rough to say the least. Not being a huge fan of flying, INTENSE plane crash scenes are gut wrenching for me. My worst nightmare incarnate basically. This specific combination of teeny tiny plane plus knowing you're flying over a giant ice desert equals nothing but bad news for everybody. Although I must confess that when the shit starting hitting the fan I was immediately thinking of a very different plane crash. Obviously some dudes survive the crash, some are in better shape than others. I mean, they have to survive right? Or this would be the shortest/most boring movie ever. In fact, you're actually kinda stoked on the dead guys. It gives the survivors at least the option of going all "Donnor Party" on the corpses, guilt free at that! The old "those guys were dead when I got here" defense will totally hold up in court. For a brief moment I think that this might just be another stuck-in-the-snow-so-and-end-up-eating-my-best-friend-to-stay-alive movie. Once these Ice Dudes inevitably bounce from the scene of the crash (duh, if you stay you'll turn into gnarly haggard popsicles bro), the movie starts to pick up speed. And that's when I realized I've been watching this movie for weeks now. Sitting my couch at home, watching Justin play HOURS and HOURS of Skyrim. The main difference is that in Skyrim you just get to run through the snow for what seems like an impossibly endless amount of time. Never freezing, and definitely never dying. Although you do get attacked a shit ton by wolves. When the Man on Wolf action really started to heat up, I was totally hoping the Skyrim theme would continue with some epic wolf battles. Liam Neeson really does an amazing job with a truly emotional, and believable, performance. But you don't really need to sell me a Liam Neeson movie, although I'll probably miss Battleship. All in all a solid movie I highly recommend. Nothing that you haven't seen, but not another ridiculous prequel or some ridiculous remake (that I know of). The only thing that would have made this movie better was if instead of wolves it was Liam Neeson versus a whole bunch of this guy. PS: Stay past the absurdly long credits, there's micro-mini scene at the end.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Justin: Alright, so The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is a mystery. Rich Swedes misplaced a sister back in the sixties. What happened? You better believe that it had something to with the Nazi’s. Chels has read the first half of the book, but I haven’t, so my review is strictly about the movie. Daniel Craig is a washed up, Swedish news reporter who’s got legal problems and an English accent. Creepy old dude asks him to look into a family mystery. Half of the movie is putting together random evidence from the sixties. You spend so much time perusing files and hanging in the library that when some hectic, brutal, sexual stuff comes along it seems like you’re suddenly watching a different movie. Everyone except for the cyberpunk girl basically just hangs around chatting and acting very white until our unlikely duo get a little too close to the family secret. She is a l33t Haxxor, like most generation Y counter-culture scene girls, and uses this to her advantage. She’s actually the one who helped bring the hammer down on Craig’s character, but they seem to forget about that pretty quick. Everything in this movie is riding on the titular character, and Rooney Mara is perfectly cast. How do I write reviews without spoilers? Suffice to say it’s a pretty stylish movie with a dark underbelly. It’s a damn good mystery to that keeps you guessing, but I wouldn’t want to watch this movie with my mom. There’s a brief epilogue where they really stick it to these bastards. It suffers in that it seems to end a couple of different times before the credits roll. Fincher pulls off another moody, slow-paced, creepy movie and I’d recommend it. I am thinking about checking out the Swedish version too, which is supposed to be a little grittier and low-rent. Finally, man Sweden looks like it’s freaking cold.

Chels: Alright David Fincher. I know you needed someone with some legit acting chops to pull off this role. And you got him, Daniel Craig is one bad ass dude. IT'S MOTHER FUCKING BOND! But the real stand out is Rooney Mara. Her performance is largely facial expression and body language driven. The few lines she does deliver and sharp, brutal, and all together completely robotic and unforgiving. Notably this mirrors her character's most enduring trait. SHE WILL NEVER FORGET ANYTHING YOU DO TO HER, and with the help of her entrepreneurial drive and pension for some body ink, you won't either. But come on Fincher. You have Daniel Craig's abs buried under NUMEROUS layers of flannel and down jackets. If memory serves me right, I only saw him with his shirt off three times. THREE TIMES FINCHER! Sweden is no place for Daniel Craig. What with the gloves and jackets and year round need to wear clothes. He should perpetually be emerging from a frothing ocean, dripping with saltwater, with sunlight glistening off his every rippling muscle, like so.. I can only assume that Justin would agree.

When all else fails, Pinecrest.

Chels: Living in the Tenderloin can leave you longing for a good sit down diner (other things the Tenderloin can leave you longing for: crack, a shower, God, whatever back-woods-town-you're-really-from-that-you-left-to-"find yourself"-in-San Francisco-but-really-ended-up-on-the-streets-hiding-crack-in-your-butt, and a shit ton of hand sanitizer wipes). The best (and cheapest) diner in The Loin is hands down Pinecrest.  Don't be deceived by the tourist milling into Max's On The Square across the street. Those schmucks will be paying almost twice as much as you will, and I promise you the food IS NOT worth it.  Sure, Max's is HUGE.  But just because something is big, doesn't make it great. Examples: BIG Momma's House KFC Double Down Anything Paula Dean makes - especially multiple layers of meat BETWEEN two donuts (FOR SHAME PAULA!) Octo-Mom's Uterus - come on, that thing has got to be HUGE! (cue the Trump voice) Once you get inside Pinecrest, and past the nice homeless man outside either trying to sell you a newspaper or talk to you with the assistance of a shark puppet, I would highly recommend heading towards the back for a booth.  The booths in the front and get pretty chilly when the door is opened, so beware. My favorite menu item by far would have to be the Spicy Chicken Sandwich - Fried Chicken Strips with Crumbled Blue Cheese, Tomato, Onion, Arugula on a toasted roll (ask for the sauce to come on the side, it's not that particulary spicy but they drench the chicken in and it becomes excessive sauce-ness). Buck for buck this is the best deal on the menu for the price and the amount of food you get.  When it ACTUALLY comes with arugula the sandwich is particularly amaze-balls.  But when they get all cheap and put spinach on it instead, I get bitter. The service is always great, very nice staff.  There's a cool dude with tattoos who I once saw make a homeless man a sandwich FOR FREE, a Russian girl with blue nail polish, and some other dude.  Bless their little minimum wage working hearts.  I've used the now year expired Yelp coupon for a free appetizer more times than I can count.  Do I feel bad you ask?  FUCK NO!  I am not above free stuff.  All that's free you say?  I'LL TAKE THREE THEN. Basically it's a place to go when you have nowhere to go. But once you're half way through your meal, there's nowhere else you'd rather be.And then you walk out and you're right back where you started.  The Tenderloin.

Justin: Pinecrest. This is our go to place on a random night when there’s nowhere better to go. Since we’ve been in the Tenderloin, we’ve probably hit this joint more than any other. It’s fitting that this is our first review. There’s no shortage of late night restaurants around here. There’s like 11 Lori’s within walking distance, Mel’s, and Pearl’s among others. None of them have what Pinecrest does: proper affordable food and something for everyone. It’s not a kitschy place with roller skating waitresses or anything. Comfy booths with big window’s so you can watch confused tourists or clubbers cruise around. Really excellent hang over food: they have a Juicy Lucy on the menu. For those who don’t know, that’s a burger that’s somehow been filled with cheese. Fish and chips are good too. I love that they have ballpark style nachos, straight out of a giant can of queso with some jalapeños thrown in for good measure. Service is on top of their game and they don’t mind kicking down some extra ranch on the side. All in all if you stop by this place around dinner time on a random weeknight, there’s a surprisingly good chance that we will be chilling there getting free refills of diet coke and talking smack. Seriously though, internet, please don’t stalk us.

Two, Please!

Justin: Welcome to our blog. The idea is that Chels and I will do double reviews for things, from restaurants to movies to video games and share the results side by side.

Chels: You heard the man. Obviously all of my reviews will be better.