The L Train

Justin: Oh man, the L. Back when we lived in the Sunset on Taraval, this was the main artery that Chels and I both had to follow to get to our Downtown jobs. What can I say? My biggest enemy? My savior? I can't really think of a line of public transportation that I have cursed and praised so passionately. Taraval (or as some call the neighborhood, Parkside) is a little known part of town that no one ever bothers to go to unless they live out there. It's got some decent bars, some absolutely terrible bars, a few choice little restaurants and whatnot. This is the Irish part of town, which is to say that the Chinese population is only about 75%. The L is the way to get to our favorite little hillside perch on Ocean Beach, where we had a nice little outing yesterday. It was a pleasant little nostalgic trip, and is the reason behind this review. Also, the L will take you from Embarcadero to the Zoo, which is free on the first Wednesday of the month. You can't go wrong with that.

Chels:Can a person genuinely miss a public transit line? Is one line really that much better than the next? First, boom. There's some light reading while you're riding the L. I have literally been witness to every single action or situation described on that list. The most disgusting is "nail clipping lady", she is the absolute bane of my MUNI riding existence. I'll take the smelly homeless man or awkward older gentleman who has mastered the 'arm boob brush' whilst entering or exiting the car. This lady will cut her finger nails AND toe nails while sitting right next to you. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've been on an L train that turned into a M or K train somewhere between Castro and West Portal. Of course I only figure this out once we don't make the turn out of the tunnel, thanks a lot shitastic L train MUNI drivers. And yes, the drivers frequently run out of the train at a stop sign. But I've never seen one come back with lotto tickets, no, usually just sandwiches or KFC, or sometimes they come back with donuts (but never enough for all of us), this one particular MUNI driver would stop every morning at The Copper Kettle to get a croissant and an espresso, he was one of the those rare classy MUNI drivers. While being ridiculous and unbelievably unreliable, the L train definitely had its great moments. I met some fascinating people when I was commuting daily between The Sunset and Embarcadero, the majority of whom I will never see again, but for a few minutes there we were comrades of the commute. But when all is said and done, the L train is by far the most efficient of all the MUNI lines. Its the City's only direct public transit link between Downtown (tourism $$) and the SF Zoo. So even during MUNI line cut backs/slashes and transfer hikes, the L service was left fairly unscathed because the City couldn't afford to not have trains shuttling people down to the Zoo. When Justin and I recently went to Sushi Zen for Valentine's Day I was slightly taken aback by the strong reunion sensation I had when I stepped aboard the L train at Civic Center. It felt like I had actually missed this train. But then we got on the train heading home and "nail clipping lady" was sitting two rows up and to the right of us. So no, L Train, I don't miss you at all.

El Tesoro

Justin: Yeah, it couldn't wait, here's my review of El Tesoro. OK, so I grew up in Santa Cruz. We have some serious goddamn burrito places in Santa Cruz that, to my taste, are a far cry above most anything in San Francisco. I'll give it to a few taquerias in the Mission for technically being more authentic, but when it comes to proper gigantic Mexican food, my heart will always pine for a Chimichanga Plate at Los Pinos. El Tesoro (Spanish for The Treasure) is a little slice of Santa Cruz in San Francisco, to me. The salsa bar with those pickled jalapenos and carrots that I love, fresh lime slices, radishes, a bunch of different salsa varieties. The habanero one is dangerous. Every place in Santa Cruz had a salsa bar, but in SF they are a rarity. Why is this? Their 5 dollar regular nachos are THE best value for food on our block. Chips, beans, cheese and salsa and tons of them. This place knows how to do the fundamentals. Like beans. How can one properly judge Mexican food if they refuse to sample the frijoles? El Tesoro is also not just Mexican food. You can get burgers, fries, cheese steaks, Cesar salads, and they're open until midnight daily. They have horchata. They have futbol on the TV in the back. If I have a five dollar bill and want to eat a real meal, I head across the street to El Tesoro.

Chels: Let's get this out of the way right now. Yes, I HATE beans. They taste like dirt. There. But I have a serious beef with El Tesoro. I wanted to like them, I really did. In fact, they were THE very first dining establishment we tried in our hood when we moved in almost 2 years ago. But they suck. Their rice is gross (and has CORN in it, excuse me?) and I never can decide on a type of meat to get there that doesn't immediately make me regret any and all decisions made before it. They do offer multiple choices of types of tortillas for you to choose from, so there's that. But El Tesoro's defining moment came when I made the mistake of ordering a Chicken Caesar Salad. Believe me, this idea was botched from the get go, I know that. But regardless, I ordered my ill-fated salad and all was good. At least that was what I had though, until half of the SFPD decided to walk in right after me. Now, I'm fully aware that in the great scope of the universe I am nothing but a lump of mass on a speck of dirt, got it. But if I give you money for food I expect to get said food in a timely manner. But NOOOOO, not at El Tesoro. They went ahead and made all 10 of the cops burritos before even beginning my order (It's a salad folks, just chop some lechuga and I'll be on my way). Then after the last cop walked out, a ,one worker ran across the street to the corner store and returned with two heads of lettuce. REALLY GUY DO YOU THINK I DIDN'T JUST SEE YOU RUN ACROSS THE STREET AND BUY THAT?

BattleStar Galactica: Series Pilot Episode

Chels: Ohhh you read that header correctly my friends. This is a review that I posted ... about BattleStar Galactica. And I guess I should just come right out and say it, I like this show. So by now I've seen more than just the pilot episode, but for the purpose of this review we'll focus solely on the series pilot. I was less than eager to start watching this show, as I'm sure you could guess. This was Justin's choice of the next TV we were going to watch from pilot to finale. I completely picked small with my previous show choice. Damn you Party Down, I need way more than 2 seasons of you! So here's the breakdown. We're in the future, really really really far in the future. So far in the future in fact that we've created a superior race of robots (Cylons), and they've had enough time to evolve and almost wipe us dumb humans clear off the map. They're smarter, stronger, and now, they look like us. And, they have a plan. Dunnn dunnn dunnnnnnnn. I love the cast of this show, it's just bizarro after bizarro. There's Colonel Saul Tigh who looks EXACTLY like skinny John McCain. We can't forget Dr. Gaius Baltar, who obviously jumped too far into the future while being Desmond on LOST and is now forced to be the smartest human alive (no pressure or anything). But my personal favorite bizarro is Admiral William Adama. Does this guy not look like Tommy Lee Jones and George Lopez had a baby? You know you see it! As I dive deeper and deeper into the almost endless abyss of BSG episodes, and the numerous full length movies (when does it stop!?), I find myself becoming more and more of a fan. Did I just say that out loud?

Justin: Dude, you should have heard Chels trying to get out of watching this show. Perhaps she doth protest too much? Off topic here, but please indulge me. My geek father raised me on a little show called Star Trek. Chels is strictly a Star Wars girl. I was actually unaware that it was a problem to be a fan of both until I was an adult. No one is going to argue Episode 4-6 of Star Wars was anything but a landmark for film and science fiction in general. Star Wars changed everything. My argument was this: as a Star Wars fan, if you hate the prequels, don't play the games, don't read the comics or novels, and don't pay attention to the excellent Clone Wars animated series, what can you really say your a fan of? 6 or 7 hours of film? Let's take Star Trek, for example, a franchise that predates Star Wars by over a decade and has literally hundreds and hundreds of hours of episodes, spinoffs, and more than ten full length features. If you want to seriously get your money's worth out of your Netflix account, you need a franchise with some content, am I right? So since I've already seen most all of Star Trek (up until about season 2 of DS9, even I can only handle so much) I set my sights on fraking Battlestar Galactica. The original Battlestar debuted shortly after Episode 4 of Star Wars came out and blew everyone's minds. The modern reboot has some real insidious twists on the original series. It's like a mixture of some of the best TV Sci Fi tropes in one show. It has the space battles that made Star Wars so exciting. It has the military mission mentality from Star Trek. It has Desmond from Lost. Just kidding, but that Gaius dude really reminds me of him, brotha. It's like Star Trek if the Federation got destroyed in the first episode. It deals with the notion of science vs. superstition, which I find fascinating. Also, these like, cylons, who don't know they're cylons. The character's are really human and the technobable is limited, compared to Star Trek. It can become a dramarama, but I knew it was famous for this. The Space Opera stuff is one of the reasons this show had appeal beyond the usual LAN party nerds.

El Sol

Chels: El Sol is a fantastic Mexican food place right around the corner from Justin and my apartment. I can't get enough of El Sol, although Justin will probably disagree with me when I say that this is the best burrito place in our neighborhood. But I do think that it is THAT GOOD. The service is always amazing, they have some really great people working behind the counter. Everyone says hello and you're always greeted with a smile, there's no way you can't feel more than welcome here. This last part is important, being the The Loin' you really start to appreciate clean business that don't have homeless people living inside of them (which I guess would negate the whole being homeless thing). I usually opt for a burrito, hold the beans. I really like the flavor of their rice, and the spicy chicken (red in color and marinated to give it a good and tender bite). They can really 'roid out your burrito. Mine normally have rice, spicy chicken, medium salsa, a LOT of cilantro, and sometimes cheese. You definitely can't go wrong with a visit to El Sol. Make sure to grab a frequent burrito card and have them stamp it each time you go. There's no way I would ever turn down a chance to earn myself a free burrito.

Justin: El Sol and El Tesoro don't know it, but they have a feud going on. See, my favorite Mexican place around here is El Tesoro for a couple of reasons. Well, I'll follow up on that in a later review. Here's what El Sol does have: super tasty, consistent, Mexican food. It's a couple bucks more, but the ingredients are all quality. I love the chopped, fresh cilantro right on the makeline. Their rojo chicken is especially gourmet for a burrito joint. They let you build your own custom burrito right in front of you. This is especially good for those individuals (who shall remain nameless) that are incredibly picky. Their super nachos are huge and it's great how you can have them load them up to your own personal specifications. A little more of this, a little less of that. Where I'm from, however, you can get a Mexican meal without dropping more than ten bucks.

Cleverbot vs. SmarterChild

Justin: Not everyone is lucky (like me) and have somebody to share Valentine's day with. Word up Chels! How's work? If you really need someone to hang with, why not Cleverbot? I figured a robot conversation would be good for a laugh. Maybe a little romantic simulation, just to sample the collective consciousness of the internet. Boy was that not the case: User: Wassup. Cleverbot: Nothing. User: Same here. Cleverbot: Ok. User: Thats it? Cleverbot: What do you want me to say? User: This is awkward. Cleverbot: It is? User: For me yes. Cleverbot: Perhaps you were wrong to think so. Your answer didn't tell me anything about ellie. User: WHO THE FUCK IS ELLIE? Cleverbot: Pink is a singer. User: What the fuck does that mean. Cleverbot: I know that you are cleverer than that. User: Did u cheat on me you fucker. Cleverbot: No, I am not a cheater. I just left you. User: OMG on fucking valentines day? Really? Cleverbot: Thank you. User: No, thank you prick. Cleverbot: You're Welcome. So yeah, Cleverbot just dumped me on Valentine's day. Results may differ.

Chels: Cleverbot huh Justin? Well I will see your Cleverbot, and raise you a SmarterChild. Ohhhh SmarterChild, I wonder just how many hours of my adolescent youth I spent arguing with you about my existence, or if you even existed. It was always my goal to make your theoretical head explode. But he always proved to be just too damn Smart! Here's a good one. The ole can you get SmartChild to admit that he's totally gay. Always good for a laugh. User: Are you gay? SmarterChild: Is it important for you to know? User: Yes SmarterChild: Is this some sort of hot topic among humans these days? User: Yes SmarterChild: Wow. Why? User: It just is SmarterChild: Are you sure? It just is? User: Yes User: Are you gay? SmarterChild: Yeah? Why? Sidenote: I would have had a convo with SmartChild myself. But I'm not a 15 year old girl with an AOL account and this isn't 1999. *cue up horrible modem sounds now*

Heart of the City Farmer's Market

Chels: I can't rave about Heart of the City Farmer's Market enough. To say that I love this farmer's market would be a gross understatement. Living in the Tenderloin I truly appreciate the diversity that Heart of the City Farmer's Market brings all us Loin' locals. HOC is open every Wednesday and Sunday (major holidays excluded) rain or shine (although your choice of vendors may vary depending on the severity of the downpour). And you're better off going early to mid-morning. Some booths sell out early and pack it up once they're out of goods. The must visit booths are: 1) The Mushroom Guy - I LOVE THIS GUY. Ask him about the mushrooms. Not only will he give you great advice on how to cook them and what other foods to pair them with. But he has a habit of throwing in some extra shrooms for the inquisitive customer. His theory is that if you like the mushrooms, you'll come back and buy them next time. Smart man. 2) The Nut Stand - Now this takes a little more describing as there are multiple booths slanging nuts (deez nuts??). The best nut booth is back towards Hyde Street by the guy selling flowers. These guys are great. Go for the Chili Lemon Almonds (like crack), if you're crazing something sweet nothing can beat the Maple Almonds (also like crack), and if you like pistachios you HAVE to try their Teriyaki Pistachios (have you figured out that deez nuts are like crack yet?). There are numerous booths that sell really fresh, fine produce. But telling you the hands down best produce booth would greatly depend on the season and exactly what item you were looking for. Go and peruse, get your hands dirty in the Tenderloin (eewwww not like that, sicko).

Justin: Getting by on a budget is tough in the center of the second most densely populated city in the country. (NYC beats us on that front.) If you're sick of paying convenience store prices for produce, I strongly recommend you check out the HOC Farmer's Market. These guys are out there, rain or shine, every Sunday and Wednesday. You can find stuff there that you can't find anywhere else. Chels already mentioned the nut guy. Those chili-lime almonds are out of this world. You can also find eggs, gourmet Italian and Middle Eastern goodies, fruits, vegetables, flowers, and basically anything else. If you're looking for freshly killed chicken, you'll have to look elsewhere as PETA and others put a stop to this last year. If you happen to be hanging around Civic Center while it's going on, go ahead and give it a stroll. Try some fresh peach slices or grapes, check out some strange plantlife that you won't find at Safeway, buy some fresh herbs and spices. Remember that every dollar you spend goes directly to the farmers who brought all this good stuff into the city, not some lousy megamart chain. Haggle a little. The true master's of the art know that all the good stuff goes fast, so if you want to see the very best they have to offer, go early. If you go close to 5 PM, slow moving items are being practically given away. Check it out!

Chronicle

Justin: I hear the title "Chronicle" and I think it must be about a newspaper, or maybe a magical Lion named Aslan. A better title would have been "Telepathy High School." Sorry, is that a spoiler? The stage is set with our three main characters. The first one is basically me in high school: a complete outcast who is generally hated. Granted, he's a skinny hipster kid, not a rotund neckbeard with asthma, but the essentials are the same. Also, my mom wasn't sick and my dad wasn't an alcoholic moron, so fortunately I haven't had to turn to the dark side. However, the teenage angst element was something that, at first, I identified with. The second guy is his cousin, all around nice guy and not much else. The third guy is Barrack Obama Jr., star athlete, Mr. Popular, class president, yada yada. These unlikely conspirators are thrown in the mix together after discovering some kind of artifact underground that gives them Heroes abilities. They are still very mortal, and all have the same powers. They gradually get better and better at using them, graduating from legos to buses over a few short weeks. From the perspective of a kid who always wished he had super powers, this was fun. While the whole "found footage" thing is becoming a bit of a cliche, this movie does it with enough style and clever trickery that it didn't seem out of place. Our angsty anti-hero justifies his decision to film everything as a way to keep his abusive father out of his room. The fun part of the movie plays like a youtube video, full of hoots and hollers but devoid of plot. The only time it got stupid was when the cousin and his love interest, a high school reporter who also films everything, have their awkward teenage flirtations while aiming cameras at each other. So yeah, the kid eventually loses it and turns evil. He starts wreaking havoc on Seattle and being generally lame, smashing things and screaming like a little cry baby. Overall this is my biggest criticism with this film. While the special effects and action are cool, and using security footage and camera angles gives it a more realistic feel, what I hate about it is that it is assumed this was how it had to be. At a point in the film, he asks his friends why they can't simply escape from their lives and go seek enlightenment in the Himalayas. This is a damn good question, really. This, for me, was a brief glimmer of hope for this movie. Shouldn't it be possible that those faced with adversity and social anxiety can somehow conquer their demons and discover the greatness within themselves? Can't we claim that these people, super powers or not, don't have to become the victims of abuse and succumb to villany? His two compatriots laugh at the idea. Their big idea? Talent show. So anyway, fans of the genre will probably think this is a pretty fun movie. It's a deconstruction of the superhero mythos, with all the camp and colored costumes removed. The underlying message, that those who have been corrupted by abuse are impossible to save, is not one that I endorse.

Chels: I have some SERIOUS issues with Chronicle. When I first saw previews in the theaters I was actually pretty pumped on it coming out, dare I say that I was even looking forward to it. Oh naivety. Unfortunately for Chronicle, it falls amongst many other ill fated movies that reveal the entire plot in the previews. I can't express to you how much I loathe this. I understand that the whole point of previews are to draw me in and make me want to see the movie. But it fills me with disdain that once the movie titans have pocketed my hard earned cash (or in my and Justin's case my free movie passes that my Mom gives us - shout out to my Mom!) that they get all lazy and just show me the preview again. Only this time instead of being two minutes, it's two hours. Skip it if you can. Lots of teenage boys menstruating, which was just as weird as it sounds. There's one particular kid that God or Xenu or The Lords of Kobol must REALLY hate, and he ends up getting totally owned. This was actually one of the most gratifying sequences in the movie for me. Yes. Chelsea is a monster, blah blah blah, tel me something I don't know.

Supremo Pizza

Justin: These guys run a pizza joint on the roughest block in the Tenderloin. Supremo Pizza is a no frills pizza/sandwich place that's open late. They deliver, but I usually just go pick it up myself so I can come home and exclaim "did someone order a large pepperoni?" Bitches love large pepperoni. The pizza is good. Sometimes the slices sit around for a bit so look for the freshest ones. The sandwiches are nothing to write home about. Honestly, my favorite thing about this place are the friendly Arabic dudes that run the place. These guys all know me by now and go out of their way to greet me with smiles when I stumble in wearing sweatpants at 1 AM. This stuff is rocket fuel for my late night writing binges. While they might not be the greatest slice in town, they're right across the street and never done me wrong. Bonus points for the laser light show in the window.

Chels: Bonus points for the light show indeed Justin. Who doesn't want to go into an epileptic seizure mid pizza bite? Answer, NO ONE. There's nothing wrong with requesting a side of brain damage with that large pepperoni mushroom. In fact, it happens to me all the time. A late night craving comes over you, you want pizza. But your brain is telling you that you want goooooooooood pizza. You have two options: 1) Splurge for some good San Francisco pizza (probably Little Star) 2) Realize you live in the Tenderloin and this is as gourmet as it gets. Needless to say Justin and I usually choose the second option. The guys at Supremo Pizza are great, really nice and friendly. But I do think that the best thing about Supremo (besides its Supreme location, see what I did there?) is its decor. Truly one of a kind, and I hope it stays that way. I always find myself staring at the creepy painting of a masked man STUFFING his face with pasta. I think it's trying to eat my soul. Just like this painting. I AM VIIIIIIIIGGOOOOOO!!!

Taylor Street Coffee Shop

Chels: Another great breakfast place in my and Justin's hood. Taylor Street Coffee Shop is a "Justin find". Meaning that Justin discovered it and bitched at me for weeks to give it a try. Being a Dottie's lover (pour a beer out for the fallen homies) I was not eager to venture away from what I love and try somewhere new. But Justin was persistent, so we went. Similar to Dottie's this place can have a retarded wait. It's super, SUPER small with only 8 or 9 tables and no counter to sit at. So if you time it wrong and come during peak hours you can find yourself standing in this awkward walkway waiting for a table to open up. Granted, the wait isn't anywhere near as painful as Dottie's. But a wait when you're hungry is the longest wait I know. When we woke up this morning we were particularly hungry and hungover. A good greasy spoon breakfast was in order. Now you might ask yourself why we didn't go to our favorite neighborhood diner Pinecrest. Well, to put it bluntly, breakfast at Pinecrest sucks. So Taylor Street Coffee Shop it was. I ordered the Taylor's Hash (minus onions and green peppers) and was more than satisfied with my meal. Great hash browns mixed with mushrooms/cheese/parsley, easily 3 eggs worth of scrambled eggs, and rye toast. Infinite noms and exactly what my sluggish body was craving. And just for good measure, this was topped with a short stack of pancakes. Shut up. Don't judge me, like you're sooooooooo perfect.

Justin: This funny little breakfast spot is wedged between two skyscrapers like an afterthought. It's long and skinny and maybe a little claustrophobic. And yellow. Lots of yellow. I'm down with the classic movie posters everywhere, because who doesn't want to be reminded of Homer Simpson or the Godfather (and his cat) while consuming heaps of breakfast? This time we walked right in and had a table instantly, which is not a guarantee. I had the breakfast croissant combo which hooked it up on bacon and comes with free coffee or tea. Only problem? Mine came way first and poor Chels began to fray around the edges after insisting I start without her. I was still hungry when it was gone but with those extra pancakes Chels had enough to share. For a little place, the service team seems to have their hands full. They were nice and kept the coffee full, but we weren't the only table whose breakfast came out at different times. It's a good choice for health conscious people with lots of alternatives on the menu. It's also literally too small to fit a deep fryer, so fries and their crispy comrades are not on the menu. I would recommended this place if you're looking for a hole in the wall that nobody knows about with some no nonsense breakfast. RIP Dottie's. You will be missed. Your absurdly long lines, however, will not. Don't worry Dottie's fans: the new SOMA location will open soon and we'll probably be standing in the rain with the rest of the rabble.

The Grey

Justin: Someone needs to nerf these wolf mobs. These drops suck. Wait, this isn’t Skyrim. I’m assuming you’ve seen the trailer for The Grey, so you know that Qui-Gon and the Ice Road Truckers get stuck out in the snow. This is a manly movie with stubbly dudes who are all working in Alaska for a reason. They are, as our wolf-hunting, super-emo Irish hero puts it, “assholes.” The season is over and everyone is on a plane back to the lower 48. There they will get paid and see their families again, well, the ones who have anyone to go back to. As the turbulence starts to worsen, a redneck version of Kurt Kobain jinxes it. Pretty soon the plane is hurtling through the sky in many different pieces. This plane crash scene is punishing to watch. All of a sudden you realize that this movie has a serious mean streak. Those who survive are basically the Village People: the mean one, the stupid one, the black one, the serious one, the construction worker. They never need to worry about eating each other or anything like that. They eat airplane food and at least one wolf, washing it down with little booze bottles from the airplane. They never have to turn on each other “like that one movie” points out redneck Kobain. One does not simply… walk back to civilization. The little fellowship is constantly being bullied by very ornery wolves that have a knack for striking right when it seems that the pressure is off. Super obvious spoiler: the guys get owned one by one until there’s basically no one left. Turns out the wolves are just one of many dangers. When the going gets tough, Neeson usually relives a memory of his lost love in flashback. Neeson is great and channels a great deal of emotion into this performance, which in no way takes away from the badassery. This is not Sarah Palin’s Alaska. The notion that God has abandoned them to survive on their own is a common theme that I liked. Did I say Sweden looked cold? Alaska makes Sweden look like Club Med. (Edit: I am registering a formal complaint with some shadowy internet organization or another due to Chels willfully stealing my Skyrim schtick.)

Chels: Once I left the theater after The Grey I was overcome with this weird sensation that I had seen this movie before. It was like I was watching a mis-matched compilation of scenes from various different movies and TV shows. The opener is rough to say the least. Not being a huge fan of flying, INTENSE plane crash scenes are gut wrenching for me. My worst nightmare incarnate basically. This specific combination of teeny tiny plane plus knowing you're flying over a giant ice desert equals nothing but bad news for everybody. Although I must confess that when the shit starting hitting the fan I was immediately thinking of a very different plane crash. Obviously some dudes survive the crash, some are in better shape than others. I mean, they have to survive right? Or this would be the shortest/most boring movie ever. In fact, you're actually kinda stoked on the dead guys. It gives the survivors at least the option of going all "Donnor Party" on the corpses, guilt free at that! The old "those guys were dead when I got here" defense will totally hold up in court. For a brief moment I think that this might just be another stuck-in-the-snow-so-and-end-up-eating-my-best-friend-to-stay-alive movie. Once these Ice Dudes inevitably bounce from the scene of the crash (duh, if you stay you'll turn into gnarly haggard popsicles bro), the movie starts to pick up speed. And that's when I realized I've been watching this movie for weeks now. Sitting my couch at home, watching Justin play HOURS and HOURS of Skyrim. The main difference is that in Skyrim you just get to run through the snow for what seems like an impossibly endless amount of time. Never freezing, and definitely never dying. Although you do get attacked a shit ton by wolves. When the Man on Wolf action really started to heat up, I was totally hoping the Skyrim theme would continue with some epic wolf battles. Liam Neeson really does an amazing job with a truly emotional, and believable, performance. But you don't really need to sell me a Liam Neeson movie, although I'll probably miss Battleship. All in all a solid movie I highly recommend. Nothing that you haven't seen, but not another ridiculous prequel or some ridiculous remake (that I know of). The only thing that would have made this movie better was if instead of wolves it was Liam Neeson versus a whole bunch of this guy. PS: Stay past the absurdly long credits, there's micro-mini scene at the end.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Justin: Alright, so The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is a mystery. Rich Swedes misplaced a sister back in the sixties. What happened? You better believe that it had something to with the Nazi’s. Chels has read the first half of the book, but I haven’t, so my review is strictly about the movie. Daniel Craig is a washed up, Swedish news reporter who’s got legal problems and an English accent. Creepy old dude asks him to look into a family mystery. Half of the movie is putting together random evidence from the sixties. You spend so much time perusing files and hanging in the library that when some hectic, brutal, sexual stuff comes along it seems like you’re suddenly watching a different movie. Everyone except for the cyberpunk girl basically just hangs around chatting and acting very white until our unlikely duo get a little too close to the family secret. She is a l33t Haxxor, like most generation Y counter-culture scene girls, and uses this to her advantage. She’s actually the one who helped bring the hammer down on Craig’s character, but they seem to forget about that pretty quick. Everything in this movie is riding on the titular character, and Rooney Mara is perfectly cast. How do I write reviews without spoilers? Suffice to say it’s a pretty stylish movie with a dark underbelly. It’s a damn good mystery to that keeps you guessing, but I wouldn’t want to watch this movie with my mom. There’s a brief epilogue where they really stick it to these bastards. It suffers in that it seems to end a couple of different times before the credits roll. Fincher pulls off another moody, slow-paced, creepy movie and I’d recommend it. I am thinking about checking out the Swedish version too, which is supposed to be a little grittier and low-rent. Finally, man Sweden looks like it’s freaking cold.

Chels: Alright David Fincher. I know you needed someone with some legit acting chops to pull off this role. And you got him, Daniel Craig is one bad ass dude. IT'S MOTHER FUCKING BOND! But the real stand out is Rooney Mara. Her performance is largely facial expression and body language driven. The few lines she does deliver and sharp, brutal, and all together completely robotic and unforgiving. Notably this mirrors her character's most enduring trait. SHE WILL NEVER FORGET ANYTHING YOU DO TO HER, and with the help of her entrepreneurial drive and pension for some body ink, you won't either. But come on Fincher. You have Daniel Craig's abs buried under NUMEROUS layers of flannel and down jackets. If memory serves me right, I only saw him with his shirt off three times. THREE TIMES FINCHER! Sweden is no place for Daniel Craig. What with the gloves and jackets and year round need to wear clothes. He should perpetually be emerging from a frothing ocean, dripping with saltwater, with sunlight glistening off his every rippling muscle, like so.. I can only assume that Justin would agree.

When all else fails, Pinecrest.

Chels: Living in the Tenderloin can leave you longing for a good sit down diner (other things the Tenderloin can leave you longing for: crack, a shower, God, whatever back-woods-town-you're-really-from-that-you-left-to-"find yourself"-in-San Francisco-but-really-ended-up-on-the-streets-hiding-crack-in-your-butt, and a shit ton of hand sanitizer wipes). The best (and cheapest) diner in The Loin is hands down Pinecrest.  Don't be deceived by the tourist milling into Max's On The Square across the street. Those schmucks will be paying almost twice as much as you will, and I promise you the food IS NOT worth it.  Sure, Max's is HUGE.  But just because something is big, doesn't make it great. Examples: BIG Momma's House KFC Double Down Anything Paula Dean makes - especially multiple layers of meat BETWEEN two donuts (FOR SHAME PAULA!) Octo-Mom's Uterus - come on, that thing has got to be HUGE! (cue the Trump voice) Once you get inside Pinecrest, and past the nice homeless man outside either trying to sell you a newspaper or talk to you with the assistance of a shark puppet, I would highly recommend heading towards the back for a booth.  The booths in the front and get pretty chilly when the door is opened, so beware. My favorite menu item by far would have to be the Spicy Chicken Sandwich - Fried Chicken Strips with Crumbled Blue Cheese, Tomato, Onion, Arugula on a toasted roll (ask for the sauce to come on the side, it's not that particulary spicy but they drench the chicken in and it becomes excessive sauce-ness). Buck for buck this is the best deal on the menu for the price and the amount of food you get.  When it ACTUALLY comes with arugula the sandwich is particularly amaze-balls.  But when they get all cheap and put spinach on it instead, I get bitter. The service is always great, very nice staff.  There's a cool dude with tattoos who I once saw make a homeless man a sandwich FOR FREE, a Russian girl with blue nail polish, and some other dude.  Bless their little minimum wage working hearts.  I've used the now year expired Yelp coupon for a free appetizer more times than I can count.  Do I feel bad you ask?  FUCK NO!  I am not above free stuff.  All that's free you say?  I'LL TAKE THREE THEN. Basically it's a place to go when you have nowhere to go. But once you're half way through your meal, there's nowhere else you'd rather be.And then you walk out and you're right back where you started.  The Tenderloin.

Justin: Pinecrest. This is our go to place on a random night when there’s nowhere better to go. Since we’ve been in the Tenderloin, we’ve probably hit this joint more than any other. It’s fitting that this is our first review. There’s no shortage of late night restaurants around here. There’s like 11 Lori’s within walking distance, Mel’s, and Pearl’s among others. None of them have what Pinecrest does: proper affordable food and something for everyone. It’s not a kitschy place with roller skating waitresses or anything. Comfy booths with big window’s so you can watch confused tourists or clubbers cruise around. Really excellent hang over food: they have a Juicy Lucy on the menu. For those who don’t know, that’s a burger that’s somehow been filled with cheese. Fish and chips are good too. I love that they have ballpark style nachos, straight out of a giant can of queso with some jalapeños thrown in for good measure. Service is on top of their game and they don’t mind kicking down some extra ranch on the side. All in all if you stop by this place around dinner time on a random weeknight, there’s a surprisingly good chance that we will be chilling there getting free refills of diet coke and talking smack. Seriously though, internet, please don’t stalk us.